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And honestly, men have enough of a hard time showing their emotions—the least we could get is a physical sign of horniness, okay? I guess this means there are different types of boners? The Pee Boner. This is a fake-out boner that really just happens when he really, really, really has to pee and goes away right after, like stepping on a garden hose. The Morning Boner. This greets you in the morning with a stiff hello, like a butler I need to suck another boner can only pee and ejaculate.

This boner is the Egg McMuffin of morning sex: The two go well together and are even better with hash browns. The Ghost Boner. This one comes along and leaves like the wind. The Gym Boner. This kind of thing can happen at the gym as his blood is flowing all over the place and inadvertently sloshing into his penis, filling it up. The Inappropriately Timed Boner. Unlike number 4, he knows in his heart that boner is there for no reason and usually can go away with a little Huge long puffy tits of focus.

The Classic Boner. This is the pre-sex boner that shows up right when he needs it most. The Night Boner. This boner shows up right when he wants to go to sleep and makes it tough to fall asleep on anything other than his back. The Attention-Seeking Boner. The Forever Boner. In both cases, the only way to get them to leave is by masturbating.

The Legendary Boner. Not all boners are created equal. Sometimes he winds up getting a boner that has that certain je ne sais quoi that really elevates it above the I need to suck another boner boners he normally gets. It somehow feels extra manly, like a Viking boner. The Marathoner, aka the Tag-Team, Boner. The Sad Boner.

This is the opposite of number Seeing it instantly makes you sad, like an abandoned baby carriage or present-day Aaron Carter. The Sweatpants Boner. The Public-Bathroom Boner. All he can do at this point is start writing I need to suck another boner his will, because he wants to die. The Denim Non-Boner. But then a boner will pop up to say hello and remind him of his golden years.

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